Azathioprine, steroids and symptoms resurfacing.

I went to my last set of blood tests (Friday 11th May) with low expectations of any change to the results. Tuesday 15th, the doctor rang me and if I’m honest my first thought was that something else had gone wrong. But, he called with good news, my white blood cells and neutrophil levels had returned to normal! By afternoon, I was nearly skipping into the surgery to pick up my Azathioprine, the dose has been reduced from 150mg to 125mg. I can’t say for definite why this all happened but I believe my body just couldn’t tolerate the higher dose of 150mg. Before all of this happened, I thought Azathioprine was borderline useless. It wasn’t until they were abruptly stopped that I realised just quite how much they helped.

Thursday 17th: I received a call from my Lupus nurse. It basically consisted of her telling me I could restart Azathioprine and my blood tests can go from weekly to fortnightly. I happily cancelled my blood tests for the following day. Weekly tests get beyond tedious.

Friday 18th: I reduced my steroid dose from 15mg to 10mg. I will remain on this dose for just 2 weeks before reducing again to 5mg. The first side affect I encountered was hunger and I can fully understand why people gain weight – it’s insatiable. You could have put an extra large mix grill in front of me and I’d have probably demolished it (I never eat mixed grills, I don’t think I’ve ever ordered one). But thankfully, the hunger feeling seems to have disappeared. The next slightly bizarre side affect was and still slightly is, a sore tongue. This only really bothered me when I drank cold drinks or when I was cleaning my teeth. The final side affect that still comes and goes is feeling HOT. It mostly happens at night which disturbs my sleep…not totally helpful for someone who can’t sleep at the best of times.

When I first started steroids, I felt incredible. I felt like I could do task after task without becoming instantly fatigued or sore. However, last week we had family over which put me out of my usual routine and I was doing too much to be able to cope. My energy levels rapidly declined and small tasks started to feel like I was being asked to climb a mountain. Body aches were the next symptom to resurface, it was like I had been dipped in concrete, an overwhelming heavy feeling. My headaches had reappeared, with sharp pains around the eyes. And, the dreaded joint pain started to radiate through my joints, even the tiny joints in my feet hurt. On Saturday, I felt like my body was about to give up, just walking to the toilet was too much. By the afternoon, I had no choice but to go back to bed. I slept all afternoon, even through my Grandfather and Dad drilling through the wall below my bedroom. It was heart wrenching and frustrating to go from feeling well on steroids back to feeling so sore and poorly. It just proves how powerful Lupus can be and if it demands to be felt, it will.

My joints are still very sore and I’m still very fatigued with body aches. But, I’m going to use this week to relax and recover. It can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months for Azathioprine to fully kick in, obviously I’m hoping it doesn’t take long at all. But, we’re at least back on the right track.

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Steroids: what are they like?

I’m nearly at the end of my first week on steroids, it’s time to give my initial thoughts on the dreaded medication. When I initially started them, I spoke to a few people in the chronically ill community about their experiences with steroids. There wasn’t one person who wanted to be on them, despite knowing they would help. Steroids work by reducing inflammation and they also suppress the immune system – which is why they are commonly used for auto immune diseases.

Steroids tend to raise the level of glucose and sugar in the blood and they also cause an insatiable appetite – those combined can lead to the side affect that nobody wants: weight gain. I’m being strict with what I consume, carbohydrates turn into sugar, so anything with a high carb content has been eradicated from my diet. The only carbohydrates I eat is what naturally occurs in fruit and vegetables. I have significantly upped the amount of protein I eat too. It’s a complete change around for my diet, I usually consume more carbs than I do protein. Despite constantly feeling hungry, I haven’t caved to it yet. I ignore the hunger pangs and only eat at meal times…I guess that’s where being stubborn comes in handy. Out of everything I’m used to eating, all I miss is a cup of tea with one sugar and a handful of biscuits.

However, I am suffering from two side affects. The steroids are making my body temperature rise and I feel unbearable hot, this mostly happens at night but it has occurred in the day time too. The second side affect is disrupted sleep (as if my sleep couldn’t be anymore disrupted), I definitely think the body temperature has a part to play in this too. I constantly wake up through the night or it takes me hours to settle down and sleep. That being said, I’d rather have those two side affects than any others.

Despite having disrupted sleep, the steroids have worked wonders for fatigue. I seem to be able to do a little more in the day time. Not only that, but I can concentrate on things better and my brain fog isn’t as bad. However by late afternoon I start to become tired again, but it’s probably down to me taking advantage of not being so fatigued. I’m still having joint pain, but it’s not as constant and it usually starts in the early afternoon and it intensifies a little by early evening. The steroids haven’t worked for my headaches yet, but whilst reading the side affects, it said they can cause them – so I’m not entirely sure if it’s a side affect or lupus.

I would say that so far, the only great improvement I feel is the fatigue. Which is okay with me, fatigue is a symptom I can’t stand or get used to. If my consultant decided to keep me on the steroids for longer than expected, I wouldn’t complain for this reason. But, there’s still time for the steroids to start taking affect on the other symptoms – time will tell. My recent blood tests show that my neutrophil level is still low, so I still don’t have a clear idea of how long I’ll be on steroids.

I’m (reluctantly) on steroids.

The break from Azathioprine continues, if I’m honest, it’s lasted much longer than I had anticipated. And, to be frank, it’s been an utter nightmare. It feels as if nobody is communicating with each other, it’s almost like they have no idea what’s happening with my treatment plan.

My Lupus nurse called me on Monday 23rd April, to tell me I had to stop Azathioprine (by this point, I’ve been off the medication for 2 weeks). She told me that my white blood cells have returned to a normal level, but my neutrophil level remains low. She said she was going to talk to my consultant about restarting Azathioprine and that she would call me back in a few days. By the Friday afternoon, I hadn’t received a call which prompted me to call her – it went to her answering machine.

Wednesday 2nd May: there still was no call back from my Lupus nurse. I tried to contact her again. It went to her answering machine but this time there was a message alerting me that she was on annual leave until next week. To get a message to my consultant, I next tried calling his secretary and hallelujah, she answered! I had to tell her the full story: no Azathioprine and how long I’ve been off it, low white cells and neutrophils, frequent blood tests, Lupus nurse called and then didn’t call back and finally that my symptoms are progressively worsening from being under medicated. She noted everything I said and told me she would speak to the consultant and call me back.

Whilst I was waiting for the call back, I logged into my patient access app and looked back at my neutrophil results from past to present. I realised they’ve been low before and fluctuate quite frequently:

Due to this realisation, I was getting pretty cocky that I’d be back on Azathioprine that night. The secretary called me back, she re-confirmed that my white blood cells are back to normal but my neutrophil level remains low. And, because of that, the consultant is continuing the Azathioprine ban. But, he would like me to go on steroids to control the worsening symptoms until the neutrophils are back to normal. I paused slightly and told her “I don’t want to take steroids”. I mean, bless this woman, I’m talking to her like she can change my consultants decision. She sounded quite sympathetic and told me “Doctor wouldn’t prescribe them if they weren’t necessary”. I eventually agreed to let her fax the care plan to my GP. She told me to call the surgery in 15 minutes to see what time they’ll be ready to pick up.

I started sorting the laundry out and before I knew it, I was crying because I REALLY don’t want to take steroids. I started to wonder, why everyone is suddenly making a song and dance about low neutrophils when they’ve been low in the past? I logged back into the patient access app, this time I looked at my white blood cell results past and present – they also fluctuate and in the past, both my white cell count and neutrophil levels have been low at the same time. But, I remained on Azathioprine.

An hour passes by the time I called the GP surgery, there’s no fax – they said to call again in an hour. I kill a further 2 hours and call again but there’s still no fax. By this point, after spending much of my day chasing people up and my patience hanging by a thread, I told them I would call back in the morning.

Thursday 3rd May: I called the GP surgery again and there was no fax. I would class myself as a chilled out person, I don’t get annoyed easily, but this situation was really pissing in my cornflakes. I called the secretary back, she was annoyed too. She sent the fax within minutes of getting off the phone to me and also sent a hard copy. She said she would call the surgery and re-fax the care plan and told me to call them again in 10 minutes. I left it an hour and when I called back, praise the Lord, they had the fax!

I’m not scared of the steroid itself, it’s the side affects: moon face and weight gain. I only have one logical explanation for this fear, the eating disorder I suffered as a teenager. I have been told I look tired and my under eyes are becoming dark, so the worsening fatigue and pain is starting to show – steroids are the only thing on the table for me at the moment so I have to (reluctantly) accept them. Mum and I researched what the best diet is whilst taking steroids: low carb and high protein. Although my dose is low, I’m not taking the risk and eating how I usually do. However, I have made it clear that if I don’t like them, I won’t keep myself on them.

I seriously didn’t think it would drag on for this long or that I’d end up on steroids. I’m at my wits end. I didn’t realise how much Azathioprine did for me until I was taken off it.

The dose: 15mg for 2 weeks, then reduce to 10mg for 2 weeks and finally to 5mg for 2 weeks.

Rheumatology appointment – 15/3/2018: a new medication.

I’m sure my appointments come around quicker each time. The time between my last appointment and this one was 4 months. This appointment was mostly centred around Antiphospholipid Syndrome.

As usual, the appointment started with the nurse for the usual checks. My weight and blood pressure were fine, but my urine is showing a possible infection. I’m unsure if I still have protein lurking in it, the nurse was concentrating on the possible infection.

As stated above, this appointment was mostly about Antiphospholipid Syndrome, I’ve never had an appointment that was nearly dedicated to this illness, people assume (and I did for a while) that all my symptoms are down to Lupus. In all honesty, this was an odd appointment to me, I was barley asked any questions. He asked how I felt since the upped dose of Azathioprine and when I replied “honestly…I feel no different”. And, that’s when the appointment changed direction to Antiphospholipid.

It isn’t new knowledge to me that my consultant wants me to take warfarin or something very similar to control my APS. For over a year, he’s believed my headaches are tiny blood clots on my brain that fizzle out on their own. For some reason, I have a great fear of Warfarin, the thought of taking it petrifies me. Which has resulted in a firm head shake at my consultant numerous times, essentially, I have denied treatment.

However, at this appointment, we found a middle ground. A medication called Apixaban, which has replaced my dose of Aspirin. Apixaban is an anticoagulant, which means it will greatly reduce my risk of DVTs and PEs. I take two 2.5mg tablets a day, one in the morning and one at night. My consultant believes the symptoms that aren’t being relieved by my Lupus meds, aren’t Lupus symptoms at all, but symptoms of APS. We’re hoping Apixaban will help relieve headaches and some degree of the fatigue. I have been given a months supply to see how I cope on it. The meds come with an alert card that needs to be kept on me at all times.

Another point of discussion was the back pain I’ve had for the last few months, it differs in severity. I also mentioned that I can do my first wee of the day at around 4pm. He said the urine sample I provided will be sent to the labs for further testing. He also wanted to check my full blood count, the last couple of times my blood count has been slightly low. If it continues declining, my dose of Azathioprine will be reduced back to 100mg. He will write to me with the results of both, but the nurse recommended I ring my GP to check if I need antibiotics, which she said I most likely will.

He scheduled us to meet again in 3 months time.

Rheumatology Appointment – 30th November, 2017: Changes I wasn’t expecting.

I had a funny feeling that something was going to change or happen at this appointment, I’m not sure why, but the last time I had this feeling, my whole treatment plan changed. It could just be that I’m a superstitious person, but so far that feeling hasn’t let me down. Although the change is only minor, it was enough to irk me.

If I’m honest, I was already in an irritated mood, it was snowing with bitter winds. Which, I admit, sounds like a stupid reason to be annoyed but when Raynaud’s sets in and you can’t feel your own limbs, you get irritated. I think I made it worse for myself by imagining the things I’d rather be doing than trekking to the hospital in snow and winds.

There’s something about the waiting room which depresses me, either because it’s a room I’ll spend so much of my time in or because it’s a hospital waiting room – probably both. I sat and read a mind numbing celebrity gossip magazine until I was called by the nurse for the routine checks of blood pressure, weight and urine.

I was expecting all 3 to come back clear as they usually do, which my weight and blood pressure did but for the first time my urine did not. It showed positive for protein, something usually not to worry about but I have researched mostly everything you can about Lupus and I know that protein in urine can be an indication of kidney involvement. I asked if that was anything to worry about and the nurse told me that people can naturally have protein in their urine and there’s usually nothing to worry about. She wrote my details on the bottle, I assume the sample went to the labs for further testing.

I struggle immensely with figuring out what is significant enough to tell my consultant, there was 6 months in between appointments this time and I think it’s too long. I decided that the most significant issues were the two bad flares I’ve had since my last visit.

I started with the flare that was caused by a viral infection, the flare that resulted in a visit to an out of hours doctor. I mentioned that the doctor I saw had said I needed steroids to get the flare under control but I could only get them prescribed from my consultant. I wasn’t surprised to see my consultant look a little puzzled by that. He confirmed my suspicions that, if I need steroids, my GP can prescribe them.

I proceeded to tell him about the flare that was so prolonged that I thought it would never end, the flare caused by insomnia. I explained that I slept for 10 hours in a week. I told him my joints were painful and swollen, that I had headaches and pretty much any other symptom you can think of, he said no sleep for that length of time will do that to me. I have spoken to him about poor sleep in the past which he confirmed is all part of Lupus.

The appointment moved onto the usual questions, are you still having regular headaches? “Yes”. Are you still having joint pain and aches? “Yes”. Have you been getting rashes? “No”. Slight lie, I have but they don’t stay long and ironically after the appointment, I had two – both on my face.

One of the hardest things for me to overcome and it’s something that I’m still trying to overcome, is that I’m not a pain in the bum to doctors, family and friends. Which means, admitting that you don’t think your current treatment plan or dose is working as best as it should. Which brings me to the part of the appointment I wasn’t expecting…

Are you having more good days? “No”. Are they mostly bad days? A thought flickering through my head to be honest with the doctor trying his best to help, “yes”. There was a slight pause in the conversation and then he told me he would like to increase my dose of Azathioprine. He asked me if we should increase it to 125mg or 150mg. It’s was like he was asking if I wanted the small bag of sweets or the large bag. I was more in shock because in the past I was told the dose would more than likely never go above 100mg, and if it were to be raised, doctors would need to be cautious due to low TPMT test results. I shrugged and said “I’ll leave that decision to you”.

He raised the dose to 150mg and lowered my appointments to 4 monthly. He handed me a prescription, a blood test form and a form to hand to reception. As I was leaving he said the sentence that irked me “your blood tests are now fortnightly”. It had taken over a year to just get to the 3 month mark for blood tests and now I’m back to fortnightly. I know nobody is to blame, but it’s annoying.

I went to the hospital pharmacy and then on a hunt for the biggest bag of Maltesers I could find…I found a bag and I also found Toblerone and I’m yet to find a regret.

The Daith Piercing: has it worked?

My conclusion regarding the effectiveness of the daith piercing is long over due, it’s been pierced for nearly 2 months. During that time, I haven’t encountered any major issues, in the last week it has felt a bit sore but nothing excruciating, more of a bruised sensation. I bought a bottle of TCP to clean it and it’s been fine since.

Since we’re on the subject of cleaning, I’ll state now that it has been a truly awful piercing to clean. You cannot see where you’re putting the cotton bud, which resulted in me getting annoyed with myself and having someone else clean it for the first week. I was told to use cooled kettle water and salt to clean it, I opted to use Epsom Salts rather than normal salt. I had to use the salt water for two weeks and cooled water alone for a further two weeks.

Healing wise, it’s doing well, a week after it being pierced, I totally forgot it was there which resulted in “oh shit, I need to clean my ear” moments. The piercer told me I wouldn’t be able to sleep on it for a while, but 2 nights into it being pierced, I was sleeping on it fine. It caused no pain or discomfort and in the first week, it bled once but it hasn’t since. Cleaning aside, it has been one of the easiest and pain-free piercings I’ve had. And for those wondering, you can still use in-ear headphones with the piercing.

But, has it worked? I’m pulling an ‘erm’ face whilst writing this bit and as you read on you’ll see why. In the first 2-3 weeks, I still had headaches but oddly enough, only on the right side and nothing on the left side (it’s the left side that is pierced). However, I then suffered a bout of insomnia which snowballed me into a long flare. The flare was so prolonged from my usual flares that I asked the question of “am I even in a flare or has my lupus just got worse? Can that even happen?”. The headaches started back up on the left side during the insomnia period, but I gave the piercing a pass because the headaches were the result of exhaustion. However, after being prescribed sleeping tablets and sleeping a decent amount, the headaches didn’t disappear and I’m still suffering some degree of a headache daily.

BUT, and this is why I’m sat on the fence, since getting the piercing, I haven’t had one migraine. I usually have at least 1-2 a month that can last days but it’s been nearly 2 months without one. Sure, I’ve had bad headaches but nothing that requires me to stay horizontal for days or makes me feel like I’m looking directly at the sun when there’s a light on. But, this could just be a lovely coincidence because if it’s stopping migraines, why isn’t it stopping headaches?

My conclusion is that it might be affective if you suffer from migraines alone. But, let’s be real, I have several auto-immune diseases, a piercing was a long shot if medications weren’t working. If you were debating the piercing, I’d still try it because what doesn’t work for me, might work for you.

For the sake of £20 I gave it a go. I have a nice piercing though, so it isn’t a loss or waste of time…every cloud has it’s silver lining and all that!

Hidden Illness, Hidden Judgement.

I’ve been told “everyone is judged” multiple times since being diagnosed with Lupus and it’s a statement that will always get on my last nerve. I agree, everyone is judged at some point in their lives, but it’s usually over things they can control and have the power to change. We are judged for every little thing we do or do not do, unless you have been judged for something beyond your control, left to feel like you are worthless, useless and at the bottom on society, do not tell me “everyone is judged”. I will not accept it and I will not accept it from a person who has never experienced life with a debilitating illness or disability.

In a bittersweet way, I have experienced life being both healthy and sick. I say bittersweet because I can take my mind back to how easy life was and how I used to be able to work long hours and do task after task. It wasn’t until I became sick that I realised that the world is catered for able bodied people and that society is judgemental. Earlier this year, I went to pick my prescription up, an abnormally large bag of pills for a 22 year old. I got on the empty bus with 3 other people, with my prescriptions in hand and sat on the seats that are dedicated to the elderly and disabled, to which a woman loudly said “I always save those seats for those who need them” to another passenger. That was my first experience of being judged by a stranger in public, the only reason I used those seats on that day was because I was in sheer agony, agony that cannot be seen. If I was in a wheelchair, would she have said the same thing? If I had crutches, would she have said it? I have heard many stories from others who suffer invisible illnesses, stories about how they are harassed and embarrassed by strangers when they use a disabled parking space despite being a blue badge holder, because the stranger can’t see anything wrong.

Judgement sticks with us, like it has for me with the woman on the bus, it doesn’t matter how much pain I’m in, I will now no longer use the seats for disabled people even though my illness is covered by the Disability Act and I have a right to use them. It imprints fear into us, there’s thousands, probably millions of invisible illnesses sufferers that choose not to leave their house for the fear of being judged, harassed and embarrassed by people who they’ve never met, by people that could never fathom the enormity of their health issues. The woman on the bus looked at me as a healthy but lazy 22 year old woman who couldn’t be bothered to walk to the seats for able-bodied people.

I’m tired of it, sick and tired of people being judged because they are different. People have lost the ability to have compassion, we are a self-centred, unsympathetic and judgemental society. I was watching a day-time programme and they had a woman on with one arm, she stated parents shy their children away from her in case they find it scary. Why aren’t parents teaching their children that no two people are the same? Why are they not teaching their children about disabilities? Why as a society are we tolerating this behaviour to the sick and disabled?

The title of this post says ‘hidden judgement’ because, unless you’ve been through it or have a close friend or family go through it, it is hidden. Able-bodied people are oblivious to it, why wouldn’t they be? They aren’t sick or disabled, the world is an easy place for them. They don’t have to strategically plan days out or holidays, making sure the establishment has disabled access and if the transport is sufficient for their needs. Their lives don’t revolve around countless hospital appointments, medication and never ending pain. They can leave the house without fear of being embarrassed by strangers. But, it is an issue to them and an issue that can be helped if they just opened their narrow minds. It isn’t the able-bodied people, the wealthy or those who claim to be understanding that I see offering a helping hand to those in need, it’s the people with nothing but the clothes on their backs or the people who are at breaking point with their own issues that offer that helping hand or shoulder to cry on.

I don’t understand how people shy away from disabilities or illness, is it because their scared and don’t know how to confront it? There’s nothing to confront, you treat the disabled or sick person how you would anyone else. How difficult is it to not judge a person? What happened to equality? All they want is to be treated the same, to not feel like their at the bottom in society and to not live in fear.

I now understand that it’s not healthy, able-bodied people that make sacrifices but those who suffer illness or disability. Frightened to cancel plans with their own family or friends for the fear of upsetting them, forcing themselves through social events or activities when all they want to do is be within their home comforts with painkillers. I have seen people get frustrated and angry with me for cancelling plans, because they cannot see the reason I have given for cancelling.

Living with illness or disability is isolating and often dark enough without the added judgement from strangers or even people close to us. As a society we need to embrace and celebrate what makes each individual different, to not judge people for their differences and to treat the ill and disabled how you would treat anyone else.

 

No sleep for a week…

I think it’s still a crazy concept to some people that someone with crippling fatigue does struggle (all to often, might I add) with insomnia. Sleep issues are a running issue with Lupus sufferers, we either sleep incomprehensible hours or not at all. Last week, I was on the not at all scale – I have never experienced insomnia that bad before. Insomnia is highly irritating for anyone but, for someone with a chronic illness and chronic fatigue, insomnia doesn’t half do some damage.

There’s no psychological issue for my insomnia; I’m not stressed, upset or overthinking. Sometimes, there is a physical reason and that of course is pain. Insomnia by pain is something I can usually help – strong pain killers will usually numb the pain enough to be able to sleep. Other times, I just cannot sleep which is how last week started out but towards the end of the week, it was a combination of both pain and just not being able to fall asleep.

It takes just one night of inadequate or no sleep to cause me to flare. My joints became painful and by the weekend, I was walking around on a swollen knee and applying Tiger Balm on my joints so now I have stained PJs and owe my dad some Tiger Balm. I had exhaustion induced headaches, my whole body ached like I’d just ran the London Marathon, my appetite vanished into thin air and was replaced by nausea. My usually chilled out personality was replaced by a short tempered monster, which I think is fairly acceptable given the circumstances around it. By Friday my rule of ‘don’t cry over Lupus or what it does or causes’ went out the window – I sat and cried for sleep from Friday to Sunday. I probably looked like a crazy woman curled in a ball on the sofa at 4am crying and saying “please just let me sleep” to the air.

I tried everything; reading, warm drinks, not looking at my phone or the time, counting sheep, counting back from 100, cleaning (which was ended quickly by feeling like I was going to faint), over the counter sleeping tablets (usually effective on me), I tried codeine and tramadol and for a second of desperation I even thought of mixing the two opiates to knock myself out (I didn’t try this in the end in case I actually went into an eternal sleep). Towards the end of the week and this isn’t a joke, but I was debating asking my brother to just punch me so hard it knocks me out. I even found myself saying “it’s a good job they took the bridges down because I would of jumped off the f*cker by now” and that’s what pure sleep deprivation does to you.

By some miracle, I lasted a week…7 whole bloody days…that’s 168 hours on no more than 10 hours sleep. I spent most nights looking at the living room wall, tracing the pattern with my stinging eyes, wishing my dog was downstairs to cuddle, watching the seconds tick by, crying and cursing myself in anger. 3am on Sunday, well the small hours of Monday, I decided I couldn’t take anymore and was going to see the doctor. In a mad rush, I was looking for money because I had none on me for bus fare and ironing clothes, I’m still surprised I didn’t run the iron over my fingers in my exhausted state. Once the receptionists opened the doors and everyone was clambering in to get on the doctors list first (it’s a walk in system) a very kind lady stopped and looked at me, probably taking pity that I genuinely looked beyond exhausted and pointed at the door and said “you go first”, so thanks to her, I was lucky to be 3rd on the list.

“How can I help you?” he asked me and all I could say was “I haven’t slept for a week” he was probably looking at me thinking ‘no shit’. I explained how it was making me flare badly and told him “I think I’m losing my mind over it”. He gave me sleep exercises for the future and prescribed me Zopiclone and he said he can guarantee tonight I’d sleep soundly. As I was gathering my things and saying thank you he showed me a lovely little injection, so I was also stabbed with this years flu jab as well…two birds with one stone and all that.

He was right, I did sleep solidly. I took the tablet and before I knew it, I was waking up this morning. I didn’t even use the pillows and the duvet was only on my legs but yet, it was the best night sleep I’ve ever had. The flare is on-going but it has got a little bit better with sleeping last night, it will take me a good few days to recover from it. The Zopiclone left me quite tired today, especially this morning but I expected that because I used to administer it at work and the patients would sleep on and off during the day that followed the pill being taken. I didn’t mind though, it was an excuse to get more sleep.

I never want to experience insomnia that bad again, and the next person that tells me their suffering badly with insomnia will get the biggest sympathetic hug from me. Sleep is not for the weak, it is a wonderful thing that I love and missed so much. Zopiclone, you bloody beauty, thank you for knocking me out so my brother didn’t have too.