I had a funny feeling that something was going to change or happen at this appointment, I’m not sure why, but the last time I had this feeling, my whole treatment plan changed. It could just be that I’m a superstitious person, but so far that feeling hasn’t let me down. Although the change is only minor, it was enough to irk me.
If I’m honest, I was already in an irritated mood, it was snowing with bitter winds. Which, I admit, sounds like a stupid reason to be annoyed but when Raynaud’s sets in and you can’t feel your own limbs, you get irritated. I think I made it worse for myself by imagining the things I’d rather be doing than trekking to the hospital in snow and winds.
There’s something about the waiting room which depresses me, either because it’s a room I’ll spend so much of my time in or because it’s a hospital waiting room – probably both. I sat and read a mind numbing celebrity gossip magazine until I was called by the nurse for the routine checks of blood pressure, weight and urine.
I was expecting all 3 to come back clear as they usually do, which my weight and blood pressure did but for the first time my urine did not. It showed positive for protein, something usually not to worry about but I have researched mostly everything you can about Lupus and I know that protein in urine can be an indication of kidney involvement. I asked if that was anything to worry about and the nurse told me that people can naturally have protein in their urine and there’s usually nothing to worry about. She wrote my details on the bottle, I assume the sample went to the labs for further testing.
I struggle immensely with figuring out what is significant enough to tell my consultant, there was 6 months in between appointments this time and I think it’s too long. I decided that the most significant issues were the two bad flares I’ve had since my last visit.
I started with the flare that was caused by a viral infection, the flare that resulted in a visit to an out of hours doctor. I mentioned that the doctor I saw had said I needed steroids to get the flare under control but I could only get them prescribed from my consultant. I wasn’t surprised to see my consultant look a little puzzled by that. He confirmed my suspicions that, if I need steroids, my GP can prescribe them.
I proceeded to tell him about the flare that was so prolonged that I thought it would never end, the flare caused by insomnia. I explained that I slept for 10 hours in a week. I told him my joints were painful and swollen, that I had headaches and pretty much any other symptom you can think of, he said no sleep for that length of time will do that to me. I have spoken to him about poor sleep in the past which he confirmed is all part of Lupus.
The appointment moved onto the usual questions, are you still having regular headaches? “Yes”. Are you still having joint pain and aches? “Yes”. Have you been getting rashes? “No”. Slight lie, I have but they don’t stay long and ironically after the appointment, I had two – both on my face.
One of the hardest things for me to overcome and it’s something that I’m still trying to overcome, is that I’m not a pain in the bum to doctors, family and friends. Which means, admitting that you don’t think your current treatment plan or dose is working as best as it should. Which brings me to the part of the appointment I wasn’t expecting…
Are you having more good days? “No”. Are they mostly bad days? A thought flickering through my head to be honest with the doctor trying his best to help, “yes”. There was a slight pause in the conversation and then he told me he would like to increase my dose of Azathioprine. He asked me if we should increase it to 125mg or 150mg. It’s was like he was asking if I wanted the small bag of sweets or the large bag. I was more in shock because in the past I was told the dose would more than likely never go above 100mg, and if it were to be raised, doctors would need to be cautious due to low TPMT test results. I shrugged and said “I’ll leave that decision to you”.
He raised the dose to 150mg and lowered my appointments to 4 monthly. He handed me a prescription, a blood test form and a form to hand to reception. As I was leaving he said the sentence that irked me “your blood tests are now fortnightly”. It had taken over a year to just get to the 3 month mark for blood tests and now I’m back to fortnightly. I know nobody is to blame, but it’s annoying.
I went to the hospital pharmacy and then on a hunt for the biggest bag of Maltesers I could find…I found a bag and I also found Toblerone and I’m yet to find a regret.