Sunday 18th September. 

It’s a bad day. I knew as soon as I woke up. My legs and shoulders were aching massively, my head was throbbing and I had joint pain. When you wake up like this, it’s rare you will pick up throughout the day, in fact you’ll more than likely just deteriorate. Which I did. 

It was my friends sons 1st Birthday today, I missed it. I feel pretty lousy about it too, I know what you’re thinking “it’s a 1st Birthday, the kid won’t even remember” but that’s not my point, my point is that due to this illness I miss a lot and sometimes it sucks. Today was sunny, or so I hear, I didn’t go outside to know if it was or not. So if I did go to the party I probably would have suffered more anyway. It’s a catch 22 kind of thing. 

I got my morning wash hours after awakening. Grim, I know, but I had to muster up the energy to do it. I brushed my teeth and afterwards sat back on my bed for around 20 minutes. Then I had to cleanse, tone and moisturise my face. And yes, I HAD to that because this disease has given me a complextion that resembles a pepperoni pizza or a dot to dot drawing.

I have spent my day in my room, doing absolutely nothing productive. I’ve been watching my family go about their day full of energy, oh how I envy that. It’s days like this I wonder what it feels like to have a body full of energy to do one task after the other with no breaks in between. I’ve been tired all day, that’s nothing new to me but today I’m extra tired. There’s no reason for me to be extra tired I slept for over 13 hours last night. No, I didn’t oversleep, that’s just Lupus. 

I’ve felt down today, again I have no reason to feel down. I just do. I don’t really feel like talking, I just want to lay in my bed where it’s quiet, warm and comfortable. Actually, when I think about it I do have a reason and it’s because I’m in pain. Everyone gets down when they feel like crap.

My appetite has been next to none, I’ve grazed on crisps, terrible I know. I did make soup this evening but I didn’t even have half of it. I just don’t feel hungry and there’s nothing I particularly crave eating. 

My headache dulled down earlier this afternoon but it’s been there all day. Now it’s built back up, and it’s going to my eyes. I hope it’s not the start of a migraine.

My joint pain has been moving around, at some points it was in my knees then elbows and so on. Currently it’s in my left elbow, right knee, my right thigh and my lower back is starting to hurt and ache. My jaw even aches, yep, my jaw. Just by writing this post my right wrist is starting to hurt and ache, so are my fingers. 

I’ve felt dizzy today too, everytime I stand up I get lightheaded and my vision goes a little funny. I got a warm bath earlier this evening in the hopes it would help my aches and pains but I got too lightheaded and had to get out after 10 minutes. 

I’m struggling to concentrate, whilst eating my soup I zoned out, you know when you stare at one object for a prolonged length of time and people wave their hands or click their fingers at you? I did that. I’ve done it several times today. I think it’s tiredness that causes the lack of concentration. If this post makes no sense or lacks grammar, you know why. 

I’m currently psyching myself up to get my teeth brushed and to get through the whole cleanse, tone and moisturise shenanigan again. I’ll get round to doing that in about an hour or longer. Until then, I’m going to lay in bed watching The Big Bang Theory and take some pain meds. 

Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully it’s a better day. I want to get some fresh air, hopefully take my dog out for a short walk, luckily he’s tiny so I don’t have to endure walks that are miles long. Maybe even FaceTime my friend overseas or pick my new glasses up. 

Goodnight, thanks for taking the time to read. 


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